you'll be better for it.

guest blog by melinda iglesias


our biggest fear is not that we are inadequate.

our biggest fear is that we will achieve and thrive,
our biggest fear is stepping out, into our deepest self, into our true potential.

what i could be, my best self, the potential i have inside,
is what scares me the most.

recently i have been rebuilding my relationship with the amazing person that i know is deep inside of me. i think about it all the time... always working toward being more authentic.
living more and more in my heart.
it's like being in a relationship, with myself!

i am constantly checking in, trying on different scenarios. what feels good? lunch with friends, or time by myself? yoga or a hike? do i want to share myself with that person, would it be better if i didn't? what does the exchange in my relationships look like currently? what insights do i have in regard to my relationships? am i being authentic or ingratiating? do i speak the truth with grace and equipoise or do i ignore conversations i should be having to make the other person more "comfortable"?

what are my dreams? what do i want to be tomorrow?

your questions may and will look different- as our questions will be based on where we are in our journey. but, for just a moment, think about it, think about all the things you could possibly be and how amazing you could be at each and every one!

what keeps you from making those a reality in your life?

remember saying,
"when i grow up i am going to be a (insert dream here)!"
reflect, think, pause, and remember what it felt like, viscerally, to say that sentence.
did you take a deep breath before you said it?
did you have an enormous smile on your face?
what were the reactions to your statement?
were you supported in your dreams?
what does it feel like to say that sentence right now?
can you still identify with that person?

sometimes i wonder where that person went...
sometimes i wonder where that authentic, overzealous, unstoppable young lady is.

re-creating, maintaining and nurturing my connection to her is vital.
much of the world we live in today does not always support being authentic, being in your heart, living your greatest potential, your life's purpose. rather than filling our hearts and minds with what is wholesome we stuff ourselves to the point of discomfort, numbness and eventually paralysis. in doing so we slowly chip away pieces of ourselves, forgetting our true nature. leading ourselves down a treacherous path of isolation and victimization.

so how do we get back from that path?
and how do we stay away from it?
we re-learn, re-program, we re-member.

a great teacher once said, "from the perfect comes the perfect, arising in the form of perfection, remaining perfect in it's perfect nature... when this is true law, why do we human beings experience imperfection, why do we feel broken and scattered, why do we keep crying out and weeping?" the teacher then goes on to say, we do this because of our forgetful nature.

we forget & fear the authenticity it takes to step into who we truly are.

when you hear that voice inside your head that instructs you to do something, what is your immediate reaction? are you inviting your heart's thoughts into your mind? the heart is where the earth and the sky meet... the midline, the balance. i invite you to really consider, what do you do when you begin hearing your heart?

are you already living in your heart?

can you live in your heart always?

listen.
i believe you can be a person and live in your heart in every facet of your life. try listening to that voice a little more and see how it goes.. try it on. the voice will reshape how you interact with your families, friends and partners and even your interactions with yourself.

practice.
practice is everything.
practice listening to your heart
practice yoga
practice meditation (even if you have never tried before)
practice asking questions
take off that outer casing that shrouds and dims your beautiful light...
tell someone about it, or do it in front of them.
change the way you interact and ask for support while doing it.


listen, and, practice.
be kind to yourself, compassionate with yourself..
step into your most full you.
give your current-self some serious stretch marks.
you'll be better for it.

The Courage to be Uncomfortable

Last night belligerence came to my front door.

At 2:30 a.m. my wife and I were awoken to what sounded like a jet engine whistling towards our house. This was followed by the sounds of tires screeching, steel scraping and glass shattering against the asphalt in front of our house. Adrenaline infused we burst out of bed called 911 and I went to check to see if the driver was ok. As I opened the front door I could see a large figure lifting himself out of his vehicle. It was an eerie scene. He limped over toward me awkwardly and I could smell sweet alcohol on his breath. It was terrifying in a primordial sense, how he so overtly flirted with death.

            A month ago one of my long time patients died in a horrific car crash up in the Cascades.

There have been other such losses recently. Some dramatic and unexpected and others I saw coming.

I’ve been asking myself could I have stepped in and made a difference?  For some of them I think I could have and yet something stopped me. Sometimes, I find that rather than share what may make someone feel uncomfortable I ingratiate them.

That is, I get nice, when I really want to get real --- be authentic. 

I’ve been working on being aware of ingratiating my whole life and it continues to be an area for me to refine. Sometimes rather than ingratiate I will distance my self from someone or a situation.

Either way I'm afraid to create discomfort. I'm afraid to hurt people's feelings. I'm afraid of not feeling needed and loved. So I do nothing.

Ingratiating it self is not a problem. It’s when I ingratiate instead of share my truth that becomes a problem for my life and health.

As I approached the driver to check on him, He was beginning to panic as he started to grasp the implications of his actions. I instinctively comforted him by placing my arm on his shoulder, and said, “hey man it could have been a lot worse, you’re still alive”. He then asked me to help him get the rest of the beer out of his car that was perched on its side against the curb. At that moment, barefoot on the cold wet asphalt a chard of glass sliced the arch of my foot and I knew I couldn’t help him. The emergency response was on its way. I began to distance myself, making my way back to the house, towards my wife. I explained the situation to her and we watched to make sure he was ok.

The great sages of Chinese Medicine say that ingratiating is a way we lie to ourselves to make us think that what we are doing is ok, when we know deep down it’s not.  

My patients and I have an agreement to be honest and respectful of one another. My job is to offer an invitation for healing, their role is to make a choice to accept or amend my offering. In the security of this agreement a lot of healing can take place rapidly. In life outside the clinic I sometimes struggle to intervene with people I care about because the rules are less clear. I may instead ingratiate or simply hold a space of neutrality.

The drunk driver forced me to look at my behavior. How belligerent and off balance does someone have to become before I step in and make an offering? It’s an important inquiry.

Life is short and precious. I’m working on being more courageous, speaking my truth not just when it’s safe, but when and where it matters most.  How ‘bout you?